It is almost the time of the year when we will receive our annual dose of freshperson wisdom as our 18- and 19-year-old college students come home for their first visits after having spent a good two weeks getting all wise and profound. I cannot wait to hear all the important information they will have amassed in a few short hours under the tutelage of the masters. They left us with just enough wisdom to get themselves into a school, and they will come back with “like, you know, to us with, like, every problem in the, you know, world solved, having, like, met the most, you know, influential people in the, like, universe.”
These freshpersons will come home all smug and sophisticated, reporting that their roommate’s father has a patent on latex paint, or their new best friend has a trust fund worth billions and is going to give our freshperson a few million just for being alive, (meaning that the freshperson does not need to find summer employment), and the person who sits beside them in freshman English has a third cousin, whose old boyfriend used to be a part-time hair stylist for Johnny Depp. In their high-nosed sort of way, they will look down at all of us common people as if we are only “ordinary” and know nothing of the sophisticated world of the elite. Freshpersons have discovered that all of those lessons in hard work, loyalty, careful lifestyle, and dues-paying, were just words in the wind. In a short time, our wise freshperson has bridged all the major gaps in personal finance, (even though they have bounced three checks in so many months); lifestyle, (using fake IDs); career, (a slight commitment that pays loads); and family values, (“Like, I want to, like, live in, like, Manhattan, and, like, have 5 children and, like, live in a big house with, like, a wrap-around porch, like, you know.”).
A mother and father of a freshperson can expect irregular sleeping habits, (up at 11:30 a.m. and to bed at 2:30 a.m.), wise words on politics, morality, personal hygiene, and etiquette all learned from a fraternity brother named “Barfy," sorority sister named “Cotton Mouth,” or a suite-mate named “Buffy” or “Gnute.”
Every now and then, a freshperson will come home in total admiration of the great wisdom and work ethic of their parents, but more times than not, the freshperson will bemoan any career that requires more than four hours a day (three days a week), any occasional weekend work, or any night worries of the upcoming day. After all, they have heard from good sources that the world suddenly needs thousands of video game inventors, who can work for five years at home while wearing PJs and eating “Fruity Pebbles, retiring at the age of 27 to play golf and shop the rest of their life. They have also heard that the burgeoning “car pimping” industry is just waiting for them to get two years of college, so they can quit and bring their expertise to California where they will make millions detailing the cars of the rich and famous, “Peace Out.”
But the scariest scenario of all are those who have looked at all the careers in the world and have decided to become a “politician.” I was thinking just the other day, “We sure do need a few more ‘politicians’ in this world.”
After their educated examination of more than a few decades of our living, learning, and paying our way in this world, a college freshperson, in just a few weeks, has discovered all the loopholes, fallacies, prejudices, inconsistencies, “isms,” and shallow futility of every chore and job we can imagine. Then, on top of our great fortune at their sudden clear vision, most have figured out the solutions to all the world’s great problems and every domestic issue.
We know how our freshperson will be at that first Fall break, because most of us can remember how it felt to officially come home for that first time. We remember our great freedom at having stretched our wings, making our first flight as an “adult.” We also remember reality setting in as, after a few years, we learned more of the world to add to our first brief glimpse.
Through time, we came to know that some of the ideals we learned as freshpersons were worth holding on to, other ideals were worth building on, but many premature dreams were escape plans to avoid real life due to fear. Living independently as an adult in this big old place can be a scary thought. Freshpersons have just caught their first real view of the vast and deep pool where they are expected to swim. Many were raised to be big fish in a small pond, where everything from community and home was orchestrated with their well-being in mind, only to discover they have become a diatom in an ocean, where few care whether a person sinks or swims. This dawning realization is a rude awakening to real first-time fear.
And even though they will never admit it, a freshperson has just learned exactly how much they do not know, and how it feels to seem like the most lonely and insignificant person in this big old world.
Our job is to listen to their “wisdom," nod our heads approvingly, and see in them the valuable and mature person they will become. Our job is to see the Child of God who has learned the value of taking risks and facing their fears head-on. It was freshperson Abraham, who claimed his wife was his sister; freshperson Moses, who misused his powers for the sake of a dare; freshperson Martin Luther, who worked himself into a gastronomical frenzy over the Pope; freshperson John Wesley, who came close to being tarred and feathered for the sake of a broken love interest; and a freshman future-preacher I know, who almost got caught in a few despicable behaviors due to what he assumed was great wisdom, but in reality was nothing more than childish idiocies.
Freshpersons are so fresh, that they are like a persimmon hanging on a tree in early September, having no immediate use, but holding the promise of a great pudding in the near future.
Rev. Dan Martin is pastor of First UMC, Hendersonville. He can be reached at moose1953@hotmail.com
